I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
