I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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