I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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