I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
