I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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