I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
