seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize