Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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