Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
