He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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