My sheets look like a crime scene.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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