Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
