Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
