I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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