Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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