Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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