"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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