New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
