I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
