Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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