Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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