I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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