have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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