Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
