At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
