You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
