do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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