if you like me you must not know who I am
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
