i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
