If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
