What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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