I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
