I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
