OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
