I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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