we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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