If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
