Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
