Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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