My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
