She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
