Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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