Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
