Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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