awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
