So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This baby is an asshole
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
