I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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