You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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