You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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