Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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