I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
