are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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