my vag is so smooth its legendary
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
