yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize