What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
