just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
