Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
40s are totally the cure
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
