That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
