I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
