you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
