I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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