Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
