I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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